Ginny was working on breakfast when Juliet made it to the kitchen. She barely began her question before the cook wrapped her up in a floury embrace and kissed the top of her head, exclaiming that she never needed to ask. Then she sat Juliet down and started her on orange juice and toast, building up to fried eggs, ham, more toast, some cheese, and porridge.
The servants that filtered through were glad but wary to see her out. They treated her with kid gloves, asking her if she felt well and wishing her a good day. Then Tom bounded in and turned her hair to a bird’s nest as he always did. Juliet managed a laugh, and the wariness of the kitchen melted into relief. Mrs. Glasgow arrived a half hour later, scolding Jule’s appearance, and dragged her off to clean her up.
She went through the usual motions and had had a bath with her hair washed and brushed before she realized she was outside her bedroom. Mrs. Glasgow opened the door for her, and she was hit by a wall of emptiness. Signs of Jewel were everywhere—the open drawer where he slept every night, the magic books he had tried to hide unsuccessfully under the bed, a piece of paper he had been folding into odd shapes for fun—just no Jewel.
Then Mrs. Glasgow swept into the room with a housekeeper’s efficiency. She tidied the drawer and snapped it closed, gathered up the papers and set the books on the bedside table, making small, disapproving noises as she did.
Juliet stood in the doorway in a mix of relief and horror. Mrs. Glasgow had the room in neat order before she knew whether she wanted the remnants of the Fei to stay exactly as they were, or tucked away to be remembered at a safer time.
“Come in, dear,” Mrs. Glasgow said. “Don’t dawdle.”
Juliet did not realize how tightly she had been gripping the door mantle until she unclenched her hands. She took a step into the room and waited a second longer for something to happen, but nothing did. She wasn’t destroyed yet.
Her strength of heart and mind returned gradually, but she had to work at it. Falling asleep in her bed each night was not as difficult as she thought it would be, but waking up each morning to silence was agony. She still slept in Peter’s room some nights. The staff warmed to her again. It wasn’t long before Jenny was scoffing at her without restraint. Juliet stayed amongst them, trying to take comfort in their friendship and company, but there were still times she needed to disappear from everyone’s eyes. It was for hours at first, but as the days passed, it had dwindled down to slipping away for a breath and some composure.
She still wrote. A new fear had appeared that she would begin to forget her Fei over time. Whenever she was struck with a memory of Jewel—when something reminded her of him, or she found something like the dollhouse—she ran for paper and pen and scribbled it down with the minutest detail. She didn’t dare suppress a single thought of him, even when they hit from all sides and threatened to drown her again.
One of those memories brought her to the library, spinning the globe and imagining Jewel on top of it, shrieking with delight. Perhaps it was too fresh a memory, but everything began to swim in her vision. She blinked hard and took long, slow breaths. For the hundredth time since he left, she wished Peter was there so that she didn’t feel so alone. She liked the others in the house, but without Jewel, Peter was the only one left she really loved.
Juliet slammed both hands on the globe, stopping it with a great shudder. “I am not in love!” she shouted to the room.
A voice in her head answered. Yes, you are.
“No!” She pushed away from the globe as if it was the thing arguing with her. “Sure, I…I care about him and…and miss him…but it’s not like he…he…” Makes my heart pound? Self-conscious? Happy? Safe…
That’s love, stupid.
Juliet groaned and dropped her head into her hands. She knew she was in love. She had been for awhile.
